Workin’ It
There’s a revolution taking place inside the government. Be warned: that neatly-dressed, well-coiffed, control-top-panty-hosed clerk who answers the phone at the taxation office could be one of them.
I know what these women are capable of — I’ve been to one of their meetings. There were 13 of them, all government employees. They had taken over four rooms at a downtown hotel. Every year, this group (code name: “The Loud Crowd”) infiltrates a different city. That way no one gets suspicious. I got in because of my connections. My sister is one of them.
The grand assembly Saturday night in one of the rooms was a rally to end all rallies. Fuelled by pizza, vodka & oranges, and Amaretto, we talked about sex, relationships, love, marriage, kids, and farting. We sang the party rallying cries (the theme to the Brady Bunch, Maria, and an R-rated version of “I say potato, you say po-tah-to; you say fellatio…”). Then we went to the bar.
These women may have limited access to the upper echelons, but that doesn’t mean they don’t wield power. And while their panty hose may control what nature may not, make no mistake, these women are in control of their lives.
Their demands are simple. They want love, in some cases marriage and families, but they want it on their own terms. They’ll compromise, yeah, but only if their partner will too. They want good sex, but they want a good companion even more. They want someone to come home to, someone they can have fun with, someone who will make them laugh.
It hasn’t been easy. Ranging in age from 24 to 52, these women outdid any history-book account of how far women have come in just 28 years. (And yes, they do come. They make sure of that.)
Take “Iris.” She told me that when she got married in 1962 at age 20 she was “technically” still a virgin. Raised in a strict, conservative, Scottish family, “that was the way it was,” she said. “When I had ‘proper sex’ it was awful, a real pain in the ass, not literally, of course,” she laughs. Kids soon followed but not because Iris wanted them. “Convention dictated.”
But eventually Iris said to hell with convention and decided to go back to work. Her husband wasn’t keen on the idea — Iris’ “non-job” of taking care of a house and kids had not been in his list of career choices. They worked it out. She insisted, he gave in and stayed home and played “mommy.” Now, at 52, Iris is the breadwinner in the family and having the time of her life. And sex is no longer a pain in the ass, unless they don’t use enough lube. Iris is menopausal now and sex can sometimes give new meaning to the term “dry humping.” She tried hormone treatments for a while but the K-Y generation offered her more tolerable options.
Sarah also grew up with the “marriage first, sex after” generation. She left home to marry her husband at age 19. “Sex was horrible and I thought there was something wrong with me,” she says. “I didn’t feel anything for this person - I was ready to charge him with rape.”
Sarah has been happily married to her second husband for 10 years and has finally discovered her own life outside of family. As far as sex, she was part of the party consensus; these women are having the best sex of their lives.
“At 20, you’re unsure of yourself, you’re always trying to look good. At 40, you like yourself, you’re more comfortable with yourself and with your partner, so you like sex better,” Sarah admits.
With this, the room launched into a chorus of “Amen,” and my sister proceeded to do cartwheels across the pastel-spread of the hotel bed. (She’ll never shake the high-school gymnast in her.)
At 32, Trish grew up with a much more open attitude about sex than her older colleagues. She did have sex before marriage. “Of course, I also expected to marry the first guy I did it with.” She did. She had a child with him and left when she decided she didn’t like how she was being treated. It hasn’t been easy being single again. “People have a very different attitude towards you,” she says. Not that it stops her. The singles bars were like putty in her hands that night.
I went home (alone) at the end of the night, inspired, in awe, and filled with reassurances the rest of the world denies me. Women are anything but helpless and it only gets better with age.
Josey Vogels is the author of three syndicated sex and relationships columns — My Messy Bedroom, Dating Girl and The J Spot. She has written five books on sex and relationships, including her most recent, Bedside Manners: Sex Etiquette Made Easy. A popular radio and TV host, Josey’s fresh and frank take on matters of the heart have made her Canada’s most popular sexpert. For more info, visit www.joseyvogels.com.
©Josey Vogels 2008