After receiving one child too many in her office misdiagnosed with clinical depression, anxiety, attention deficit or learning disability (by her parents, teachers or even family doctor), Maggie Mamen felt the urge to write The Pampered Child Syndrome, How to Recognize It, How to Manage It and How to Avoid It to share with us her professional observations gathered over twenty years of family counselling. The Ottawa psychologist is adamant that in many cases, the kids’ so-called psychological problems actually are undesirable behaviours unconsciously reinforced by their loving families. It would appear that our kids have their own take on what we’re telling them.
All my friends are intelligent, educated, funny women. Together, we share the same values: respect for others, tolerance, perseverance, humour, gratitude and… an appreciation of girls’ night out. Still, I can’t recall how many times, when comparing notes, we’ve come to the sad conclusion that those nice values don’t seem to be naturally transmitted to our dear children (one would expect some kind of osmosis, you know). Instead, what we get is greedy kids who whine, always want more, don’t do their share, fight with their siblings, talk back to us, lack empathy (not all at the same time luckily, they know better…).
I finally found an interesting explanation in The Pampered Child Syndrome, published in 2004.
The pampered child syndrome
Maggie Mamen holds a PHD in psychology from the University of Carleton. Hers doesn’t have the funny tone of a feel-good book meant to entertain us with anecdotes about how “bad” other people’s kids behave.
She presents us with specific cases of families who’ve come to her for counselling. She points out the subtleties in behaviours between problems that stem from psychological issues and those from the reinforcement of a pampered child’s reactions.
For example, we all know that one of the symptoms of depression is a somber and negative state of mind. The clinically depressed child will show this symptom regardless of the activity he’s undertaking. On the other hand, notes the author, the pampered child will fall into that state of mind only when he’s asked to do something he doesn’t want to do.
The depressed child often sees her overall grades fall. With the pampered child, this fall generally occurs only for the classes she dislikes. The depressed child can burst into a fit for no apparent reason, even in the midst of an activity he normally likes. The pampered child will take a fit if he’s told “no” or when he’s asked to do something against his will.
You see the pattern? The main difference lies in the choice. The pampered children choose their behaviour in accordance with the reaction they know will be generated to their advantage, while the depressed kids have no control over their behaviour.
What we want for our children
Dr. Mamen’s main goal is for parents to accept the possibility that their kids are choosing their bad behaviours, because it works to get what they want.
If you’re thinking: “Great! As if I didn’t already feel guilty enough!”, you’re not alone. The author knows she’s really going against the grain here. She recognizes that “in the current climate, it is politically incorrect to suggest that we parents may have something to do with how our children behave, because this is ‘blaming’ us”. But she wants parents to take back the power they’ve given away because they believed the situation was out of their control.
The psychologist has always felt it imperative to observe the philosophy and family values modeled in her young patients’ daily lives before diagnosing them. Over the years, she’s come up with a list most parents will agree with.
We say we want for our children:
1) to be happy and comfortable
2) to be stimulated and enriched
3) to make their own choices
4) to be included in family decisions
5) to be given reasons for things that they are asked to do
6) to be treated equally and fairly
7) to express their feelings and be heard
8 and, most of all, to have positive self-esteem.
Who would argue with any of these messages?
What children hear
Are the messages received the same as the messages that are sent? Apparently not. And here are the most valuable pointers I got from The Pampered Child Syndrome: suggestions about how distorted some of my messages got in the process.
Compare the above-mentioned messages with the children’s distorted versions Dr. Mamen has observed again and again:
1) I should always be happy and comfortable. When I experience loss or failure, or feel sad, upset, frustrated or disappointed, someone should make me feel better.
2) I should never get bored. I should only be asked to do things that are stimulating and enriching, not things that are tedious and boring. In fact, if it’s not interesting, I won’t do it.
3) No one should tell me what to do; I should be able to make up my mind.
4) Adults should not make any decisions without consulting me first. I should be part of the management team.
5) I will not do anything unless you give me a reason why I should. It must be a good reason. If I don’t agree with the reason, you have to keep looking to find one that I do agree with.
6) I should be treated the same as adults. If other people can do it, I should be able to do it too.
7) I should never do anything unless I feel like doing it. Are you listening? Did you not hear what I said?
8 I should always feel good about myself.
Real food for thought, isn’t it?
All the cases described throughout the book have their roots in one or another of those interpretations kids take from our messages. We get teens reigning over the family’s computer regardless of their siblings’ needs. Closets are overflowing with overlooked toys. Parents disregard unflattering reports from teachers, policemen or any other adults involved in their little angel’s life. Babysitters don’t want to come back to work. Parents are reduced to this only role (no time to manage any other aspect of their lives). Evening meals are from hell. Kids won’t stick to any activity. Kids drop everything if left alone. Kids drain the family’s finances.
And parents wonder why.
How we pamper
The author provides us with a brief survey of the different parenting styles responsible for the main distortions. There’s The Good Servant (when we do EVERYTHING for our children); The Bottomless Pit (when we shower our children with material goods because this is what good parents do); The Lion, The Lioness and Their Cubs (when we make excuses for their behaviors, preventing them from experiencing uncomfortable consequences) and the one that feels closest to home for me, the “Whatever!” parents. As she puts it, this is when “kids know that they can cash in on our tiredness, our guilt, our low tolerance for their unhappiness, and our need to be liked”.
Counterbalancing our message
Dr. Mamen revisits the messages we want to send to our kids with suggestions to restore some balance. Yes, indeed, we want our kids to feel happy and comfortable. But we also want them to understand that sometimes we have to suffer short-term pain in order to experience long-term gain (if you don’t spend all your money on trinkets, you’ll have more to buy things that will really matter). We do want them to have an enriched life but they also need to learn to handle downtime and situations that are tedious and boring (there’s no avoiding the fact it takes a long time to drive from Toronto to Ottawa to see your cousins) or simply normal (one needs to brush her teeth).
In the end, I felt that Maggie Mamen was offering more advice to professionals and teachers to deal with pampered children and their parents than to parents themselves. (Many will be interested to review her list of “Red Flag Responses” that teachers are bound to hear during parent interviews.) Nevertheless, I thought The Pampered Child Syndrome was an excellent starting point to understanding family dynamics.
Parents’ right to be selfish
Too many parents suffer in silence unacceptable behaviours from their brood, thinking that it comes with the territory and taking comfort in the fact that it affects none other than themselves.
I believe parents have the right to be more selfish than this. It is our right to question the behaviours that suck the joy out of our family life (assuming we ourselves understand that being a parent involves situations that are tedious and boring). I feel I owe it to myself to determine the level of chaos I’m willing to put up with in my own house, and to consider the limits of my time, money, and energy when making any family decision that will inevitably have an impact on all my other lives (girlfriend, wife, “career” woman).
After all, mothers are people too! In her personal yet practical 480-page guidebook, author Nathalie Prezeau describes hundreds of outings in and around the GTA she tested with her family and friends over the past twelve years. The 4th edition is out! It includes a new chapter on things to do with the kids around the 69 subway stations in Toronto, as well as exciting city walks to play the tourist in Toronto. Available in the Travel Section of GTA bookstores as well as Mastermind Educational Toys stores and currently at Costco. Visit www.torontofunplaces.com to learn more.
The author would want you to believe she’s a mean mom who’d rather fast-forward the whole day to get to Happy Hour with as few interactions with her kids as possible. (OK, maybe she would, but that’s not the point.) Don’t let Kathy Buckworth’s cynical tone fool you! Despite her book’s title Shut Up and Eat! Tales of chicken, children and chardonnay, her main message isn’t that kids should be seen but not heard.
As you’re laughing in disbelief at one of the enormities Kathy is throwing at you throughout the book, it would be easy to miss the few lines when she drops her stand-up comic shtick to pass on some perceptive observations about our society. As she puts it: “In a world full of ‘right’ or ‘expert’ ways, we seem to have lost ‘our’ way.”
She would know. A few years ago, as she felt the need to find “her” own way, this carreer woman left the corporate world to become a full-time mom to her four kids. Her first two books, The Secret Life of Supermom followed by Journey to the Darkside: Supermom Goes Home, come straight from this period of transition between the two worlds.
Then Kathy Buckworth cranked up her comic skills with self-deprication on the light topic of her addiction to her Blackberry (in a funny piece titled The Blackberry Diaries: Adventures in Modern Motherhood). But anyone who knows her personally will attest that in Shut Up and Eat, she’s officially become as hilarious in a book as she is in person.
Health nut bullies
What cracks me up, and many other readers from what I’ve heard, is when she goes after the people who are so set in their ways that they’ve become bullies. The total lack of social grace some are capable of in the name of their nutrition principles is mindblowing.
There’s the mom who wouldn’t let her kid have pizza at Kathy’s dinner party (there’s this once-a-month pizza rule at her house, you understand). How about the hostess of a cottage weekend get-together whose face wrinkled up in disgust as Kathy unloaded her food contribution (”How about the four friggin’ bottles of wine I brough, you sanctimonious little…”, muttered Kathy through her teeth). Or the one she affectionately calls Salmon Guy who asked if she had anything else to ofter after she’d joked she hoped her adult guests wouldn’t mind being served salmon instead of the “crap” she’d put on the kids’ table (he had had too much salmon lately).
Cheery and wholesome
By counterbalancing excerpts from recipe books from the 50’s with quotes of her own, Kathy provides moms with some reality checks and ammunitions to resist our perfection-obsessed society.
“Breakfast is the most informal of all family meals and because it is the first meal of the day it should be cheery as well as wholesome.” quotes Kathy from Glamour and the Hostess, 1955. “Breakfast is a meal you have to stuff down your kids’ throats before the bus comes and you can’t find that damn mitten or permission form.” quotes Kathy from her own Shut Up and Eat, 2010.
She cleverly explains her take on managing breakfast and then, just in case we would be tempted to confuse her for an expert, she casually drops a warning that her breakfast strategy has its flaws. The other day, her 7-year-old said to her: “I can’t finish my soft-boiled egg because I got my toe stuck in it.”
Good to go
Food is omnipresent in our lives and could become an endless source of stress if we were to follow every expert’s advice. Focus instead on Kathy’s rules and you’ll be, as she puts it, good to go. She covers everything, from family meals, to snacks, dinner parties, entertaining the relatives, restaurant meals (with or without kids), drive thru and diets.
As a seasoned mom (a woman who’s not been brainwashed or peer-pressured into supermom tendencies, by Kathy’s definition), the author never misses a chance to pass on her best tips. Not her least useful is the following: Use a dinner party as an excuse to get your husband to clean the entire house while you go to the grocery store. He doesn’t need to know that you bought all the groceries online and had them delivered the day before, and you’re really at Starbucks having a coffee. She points out it’s called “me time”.
Ba ha ha ha ah ah
As a bonus, Kathy included over 30 recipes worth checking if only to read her footnotes. Well into the book, she comes up with her sugar pie recipe. In the ingredients list, she writes “frozen pre prepared pie crust” and asks in faked surprise (as if any of her readers wouldn’t have figured her out at this point): “What, you saw the word ‘pie’ and thought I was going to make pastry? Ba ha ha ha ha ha.”
In her personal yet practical 480-page guidebook, author Nathalie Prezeau describes hundreds of outings in and around the GTA she tested with her family and friends over the past twelve years. The 4th edition is out! It includes a new chapter on things to do with the kids around the 69 subway stations in Toronto, as well as exciting city walks to play the tourist in Toronto. Available in the Travel Section of GTA bookstores as well as Mastermind Educational Toys stores and currently at Costco. Visit www.torontofunplaces.com to learn more.
It is said that helicopter parents are always hovering over their children. In the best of scenarios, they’re really engaged in the education process, quite close to their kids, and of great advice to help their transition from one phase of their life to the next. At worst, they go from engaged to obsessed. They don’t know when to stop pushing, polishing, protecting and pampering (I didn’t come up with those four Ps, Carl Honoré did). Many are now questioning the stressful manner we’ve come to play the parent part. Is it the way to raise adults capable of the autonomy and self-motivation that will ensure them a rich and rewarding life outside of the family’s cocoon? Suggestions, anyone?
Helicopter parents: a media fabrication?
When we sift through the smorgasbord of comments generated by any blog on the topic, we realize there’s no consensus on what defines a “helicopter parent”. Those defending this parenting style believe it’s synonymous for responsible and realistic parents. Those against it think they’re parents who’ve gone from engaged to enraged, giving a bad name to all the parents.
We always hear about the most colourful anecdotes: moms chauffeuring kids 30 hours a week to their dozens of activities, those storming into the principal’s office to contest a B in their child’s test, parents “helping” their kiddo with a big Power Point production (what grade did you say YOU got for HER presentation?), when it’s not moms (why is it mostly the moms?) calling the dean to complain about the lack of wake-up call service at their university’s dorm.
The increased engagement of parents can be felt at university level. Many American universities now post links such as Gift University on their websites (a delivery service selling special baskets of goodies to sent to your child to celebrate his birthday away from home, to encourage her before an exam, or to congratulate them after a blitz of tests).
The University of Rochester has installed a webcam offering a 24-7 view of the «Hi Mom! Balcony» so students can wave at their parents as they’re talking to them on their cell phones. (Many parents make it a condition if they’re to pay the cell bills. Just an idea.)
There has to be a critical mass of parents who’ve asked to become their kid’s friend on Facebook. Otherwise, websites such as www.myparentsjoinedfacebook.com would not exist. (It’s the kind of place where visitors will learn that you should NEVER EVER show your new boyfriend’s page to your mom unless you can live with the mortifying fact that she will directly send him a note to say hi.)
Are today’s parents that demanding on the schools?
Well, we live in a consumers’ world and school is becoming a service like any other. And, as we know, the customer is always right. All parents, at one point or another, have chosen to do one of these. We arrive late (to let him sleep a bit more), we pick her up earlier on a Friday (to avoid traffic on the way to the cottage). We disagree with the choice of reading: too hard, not enough challenging. We’re asking for less homework, more homework, more physical activity, longer recess, no recess, more playing outside, no going out when it’s cold. The list of individual requests goes on and on.
What’s implied is that “I would do a better job than the teacher”. (I personally think that anyone who’s had the opportunity to volunteer in a classroom of 25 kids would beg to differ.)
A research in Ottawa confirmed that 30% of the new teachers quit this profession five years into their new career! In some American cities, up to 50% decide teaching is not for them. Amidst the reasons often found, when digging through the articles about this situation: the stress generated by parents’ interventions and the kids’ attitude in the classroom.
Are they as demanding on their children? We often hear that many hyper-parents are imposing a gruelling agenda on their kids. I don’t know about you but I don’t know any of those parents. What I have seen is parents who can’t refuse when their willing child begs them to get involved in yet another activity. They can’t say no, regardless of the additional costs implied, time constraint, problems of logistic and impact on the other aspects of the parent’s life (parents are people too!). How can it be otherwise when there’s always the possibility that our child will find his life calling in the next activity?
Is it working?
The National Survey of Student Engagement (NSSE) is an organization which studies university life. In 2007, they published a report (based on information gathered from over 300,000 students randomly selected in over 600 colleges and university in the U.S.). It claims there’s no evidence that very involved parents are hindering their kids’ development or success in college. They found that three-quarter of students claim they’re in frequent contact with their family, and that 15% of the parent of first-year students have been frequently intervening with their kid’s university.
It’s when turning to the anecdotal material that one can find reasons to cringe. In an article, a deeply involved mom from Boston was explaining how glad she was about her close bond with her two girls living in residence. “The thing that I like about our relationship is that whenever they’re nervous or unsure about a decision they’re about to make, that’s when they need me”, after which she confesses that in January, she was 144 times on the phone with one of her daughters… There are 31 days in January. Do the maths! How is a young adult to learn the useful art of decision-making if everything is run by her mom?
Suggestions, anyone?
There are many enlightened authors out there helping us to get a new take on parenting, starting with Freakonomics. Written by two economists with a flair for “archeology”, this book digs through a massive amount of statistically valid data to come up with many counter-intuitive information. For example, it appears that reading everyday to our children is not significantly related to their academic success. On the other hand, having parents who read has a real impact on kids’ performance at school. You know what this means? By reluctantly putting aside that novel you’ve been wanting to read for the last month, for lack of time, you’ve actually been cheating your child! It’s not too late to get on with the program. Just make sure they see you read that book.
Carl Honoré, author of Under Pressure: Rescuing Childhood from the Culture of Hyper-Parenting, says that throughout the years he’s spent searching for his book, every parents he’s met are united with the same longing for a way to give their children more time and space to be kids. (Come to think of it, don’t we all want more space and time to simply be?)
Honoré is responsible for the “slow parenting” movement. He claims we have to stop listening to the fear-mongers, the limited message of the media and the peer pressure. It’s all about trying to live with our children moments that don’t involve shopping, following a schedule or building the resume.
Then, there’s Lenore Skenazy, the acclaimed anti-helicopter parent. She became famous overnight following a blog in which she said she allowed her 9-year old boy to ride back home alone. In the subway. In New-York. People reacted so strongly that she felt the urge to write Free-range Kids: How to Raise Safe, Self-Reliant Children (Without Going Nuts With Worry) to better explain her logic behind what she calls free-range parenting. In a plea for the return of common sense parenting, she’s going against unfounded fears to help parents focus on things that really matter. She encourages parents to simply remember. Remember the freedom you had when you were their age! Remember the mistakes you made. The lessons you learned from them. Do we really want for our children to miss on these vital experiences?
In her personal yet practical 480-page guidebook, author Nathalie Prezeau describes hundreds of outings in and around the GTA she tested with her family and friends over the past twelve years. The 4th edition is out! It includes a new chapter on things to do with the kids around the 69 subway stations in Toronto, as well as exciting city walks to play the tourist in Toronto. Available in the Travel Section of GTA bookstores as well as Mastermind Educational Toys stores and currently at Costco. Visit www.torontofunplaces.com to learn more.
As the saying goes, it takes a village to raise a child. But nowadays, the busy modern life makes it harder for us to know our closest neighbours (whether we’re stay-at-home or working moms). We have fewer siblings than the previous generations and chances are they don’t even live in the same city, province or country as we do. As a result, our village is nowhere to be found.
No wonder there’s been an explosion of mothers’ blogs since 2008 as more of us get to understand how to join this kind of wagon. The blogs offer a great venue for parents to share stories, concerns, tips and encouragements. It’s all good but does it mean we don’t need to meet our peers face to face anymore? Is the proverbial village on the verge of becoming virtual?
Use the internet to get off the internet
The people at http://www.meetup.com don’t think so. Launched in 2004 from New York City, this company now serves over 6 million members. Their goal: “to help people use internet to get off the internet”; their mission: “to help the world’s people to self-organize into local groups”. Looks like the platform for dating groups? Think again.
Searching by postal code on their website I discovered that there existed no less than 91 groups within 3 km of my place (I live downtown Toronto). Of these, nine groups were specifically created for parents.
Some groups sound hilarious such as the Toronto Procrastinators, claiming 34 procrastinators (of course this doesn’t include the number of wantabee members who really, really wanted to join but never got to it) or the Toronto & GTA Chihuahua Meetup Group with 107 members (mixed breeds accepted, they’re not elitists!).
The groups sometimes fulfill the needs of very specific people: there’s the Progressive South Asians 40+, the Salam Mama (for muslim moms from Oakville and Mississauga) or the Reject Video & Film Meetup Group (34 members whose creations have been rejected and have deciced to take things in hand and find venues to present their art), to name just a few.
Parents self-organize to meet kindered spirits
On meetup.com, you can find groups such as the Moms Book Club & Playground, the Yummy Mummies 21 to 30, or the Toronto Urban Hiking for Families, created by parents who felt that there had to be other parents sharing their interests.
I interviewed Karen Pang, the founder of a dynamic group of over 140 members with the cool name of the Mamas and Papas of Trinity-Bellwoods to get some tips for parents who want to join a group.
She agreed that meeting new people at a café feels a bit like a blind date for parents. A better way to break the ice at a first meeting is to join in when the group is offfering activities such as an urban walk. Karen also insisted that we should never forget that everyone has the same concerns when meeting new people.
Members can post their comments on the website, for all to read, which can be very useful to select a group. Each group has its own focus. Karen’s goal was to develop relationships with other families. Mission accomplished, less than a year after she started the group, she’s always coming across people she knows when strolling around her neighbourhood. What a better way to create a sense of community.
Start your own group! There might not be yet a group out there that matches your specific interests. But the beauty of Meetup is that it also offers a very user-friendy platform to create your own group, with all kinds of bells and whistles to customize a home page.
The company charges a $12 monthly fee for hosting your group on their web. Some organizers think nothing of paying this cost themselves. Others choose to offset it by charging a minimal $1 fee to members who join an activity.
Karen Pang warns those who’d like to start a group that some leadership is expected from the organizer. It is up to the group founder to give an accurate description of what members can expect from the group, and to deliver. She suggests joining a Meetup group to see how it’s done before creating your own.
Other options
Laurie Kondle, an Ontarian mother, had a different idea on what a platform should offer. In 2007, she launched www.justplaydates.com, created especially to help parents organize playdates in their area, in their house or in local parks and playgrounds. It now includes over 2,700 members mainly located in Ontario, with pockets in Halifax (NS) and Victoria (BC). One special feature of her platform is that it allows members to join any playdates they want, which can become handy when you’re travelling with young kids.
Among other ways to meet parents, there’s always the good old local park but parents tend to hibernate during the winter, don’t theu? Fortunately, there’s the option of indoor activities at free drop-in centres. These usually offer 9:30 a.m. to 11:30 a.m. activities for kids 6 years and under. The website www.ontarioearlyyears.ca helps parents living in Ontario to find the drop-in centre closest to their place.
Finally, you can always call the Public Health department in your municipality to find out about their programs for parents and children. In Toronto, new mothers can get into the free program Living and Learning with Baby involving five weekly sessions of information with a qualified nurse and other parents with babies 6 months and under in their area. (You can call 416-338-7600 to find where’s the closest program in your neighbourhood.)
After that, it’s up to you to keep in touch with the parents you’ll meet in the program. I personally met wonderful women by joining such a program when my first child was born. We still see each other regularly…16 years later (now that our oldest kids are teenagers, we have lots to talk about)!
In her personal yet practical 480-page guidebook, author Nathalie Prezeau describes hundreds of outings in and around the GTA she tested with her family and friends over the past twelve years. The 4th edition is out! It includes a new chapter on things to do with the kids around the 69 subway stations in Toronto, as well as exciting city walks to play the tourist in Toronto. Available in the Travel Section of GTA bookstores as well as Mastermind Educational Toys stores and currently at Costco. Visit www.torontofunplaces.com to learn more.
For years, I’ve been a subscriber to the American magazine Family Fun. It’s been my reliable partner in crime throughout my kids’ childhood and it might become yours too during the coming Family Day, the Valentine’s Day fuss or the March Break.
In Family Fun, I’ve found a mom’s advice on how to visit an art museum with my young son (turning the visit into a fun “I spy” game to look for specific items on the paintings). I’ve learned how to create a super card game that caught a slice of our daily life (teaching my kids about the different things one needs to know to run a house).
I’ve had a blast at the expense of my kids by using fabulous tips for April’s Fool pranks (I normally buy milk bags but for the occasion, I put a milk pint on the table, in which I surreptitiously added blue food coloring. The look on my then 8-years-old son when he poured the milk into his bowl was totally worth the trouble!).
When I was involved with the School Council, we would often choose the theme for the school parties according to the best craft activities I found while browsing through my Family Fun copies.
Years ago, prior to the internet, the magazine’s main appeal already lied in the fact that they’d been able to get hundreds of creative parents to submit their great ideas to them. Now we can all access this amazing resource online for free.
Their crafts section is the best. You can search by age, type or even by material but the Holiday & Seasonal category is such a time saver. You won’t find a Family Day section in there since it’s an American website but Valentine’s Day, St. Patrick’s Day, April Fool’s Day, Easter and Mother’s Day will all come handy in the coming months.
Just to get an idea of the spread of crafts they offer, check the bottle-cap tambourines in the Recyclable Crafts category under Crafts by Material, or the newspaper fashion show (if I still were a member of the School Council, I’d use that idea to complement a Literacy day event for the students!). As soon as we get some snow, even just a little, I think we should try their Beach Bum Snowman. It would definitely cheer up the whole neighbourhood.
Most pages are followed by a Show & Tell section where you get to see pictures of craft ideas submitted by families just like us. Very often, parents also submit photos of one of the Family Fun crafts they tried for themselves. I should send them my daughter’s picture of the bubble bather costume suggestion we used during our school’s Crazy Bubbles end-of-the-year party.
The crafts are just the tip of the iceberg. Their Playtime section offers hundreds of games suggestions for all occasions and contexts. Their Parties menu allows to search by theme or age and includes Themed Cupcakes and Party Printables categories. They even have a how-to video section for cakes and cupcakes for the bakery-challenged among us.
Tips • Crafts offered online are not there forever. You can subscribe to their magazine online (or through the magazine sales of your school if they have one of those fundraisers). Check their website at www.familyfun.com.
In her personal yet practical 480-page guidebook, author Nathalie Prezeau describes hundreds of outings in and around the GTA she tested with her family and friends over the past twelve years. The 4th edition is out! It includes a new chapter on things to do with the kids around the 69 subway stations in Toronto, as well as exciting city walks to play the tourist in Toronto. Available in the Travel Section of GTA bookstores as well as Mastermind Educational Toys stores and currently at Costco. Visit www.torontofunplaces.com to learn more.
WRITTEN BY
Nathalie Prezeau, author of Toronto Fun Places
From a kid’s perspective, Vaughan Mills is all about animals: between the stuffed bears and wolves complete with live fish pond of the Bass Pro shop, the fluffy animals of Build-a-Bear Workshop, and the birds, cats, dogs, small mammals and fish of the new pet store Safari, not to forget Santa’s fishing cabin, it’s a zoo out there. And don’t miss the funky hermit crabs cart!
I recently went to check the Safari pet centre which opened a few months ago at Vaughan Mills. Located not too far from the NASCAR Speedpark, in the mall’s Section 3 they call the Rural Neighbourhood, the fantastic facade is quite a sight, adorned with tall statues and the tail of a plane which seems to have just crashed into the wall.
This nice addition will allow your kids to admire a wide selection of pets, including a good number of puppies, in an exotic setting (we especially loved the dark grotto showcasing the fish). But I suspect you’ll have even more success if you take them to see the dozens of little hermit crabs sold in a cart by the Toy’s R Us.
The independent cart is really catchy, filled with lively little fellows in their shiny shells painted in every colours with funny patterns. Since these land crabs are born without a shell, they spend their life “trading up” to find a better home (sounds familiar?). You can get a cage including a crab and two shells for around $45.
If you’re wondering about supplies, on Petsmart’s website, you’ll find that they carry a whole line of products to take care of your hermit crab. As far as I know, they unfortunately don’t carry the funky shells.
Santa’s fish cabin (complete with fishing boat) is open again this year. There’s even a mailbox shaped like a trout to receive the kids’ letters to Santa. It was created in partnership with the spectacular Bass Pro shop right next door and that whole section of the mall is truly gorgeous. Life-size bears (stuffed) overlook a river, a fall and a tank with live fish. Throughout the vast store, there are more stuffed animals and plenty of sections to explore: an interactive shooting zone, the camouflage gear (which my kids declared a great spot for a little hide-and-seek session) and the series of fishing boats they could climb up into.
A little piece of advice for those with younger kids who still believe in Santa, in the back of the boat section inside the Bass Pro shop is another Santa in his village! You don’t want to enter this store directly from the parking lot if you want to avoid having to explain why there are two Santas at Vaughan Mills
TIPS
• My favourite way to tour Vaughan Mills with kids is to start at Entrance 4 (on the side of the NASCAR Speedpark). You then proceed to your right to see the Safari Pet Center. Further down, you’ll meet the hermit crabs by the Toy’s R Us, you’ll cross Build-a-Bear, then you’ll reach Santa’s cabin and nearby Bass Pro shop.
• Kids will be able to fish with Santa until December 23, Monday to Saturday from 10 a.m. to 9 p.m. and Sunday from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. Bass Pro’s Santa is on duty until December 24. He’s there Monday to Friday from 5 p.m. to 8 p.m., Saturday from 10 a.m. to 9 p.m. and Sunday from noon to 7 p.m. Free crafts are offered from noon to 5 p.m. during the weekend.
• The Safari Pet Center is a chain originally from Montreal. Their website offers no information about their new store in Ontario but it is fun to visit, opening with an interactive image with lots of sections to click on. Click the drawers to read their Q & A’s about pets. Click their map to have access to five adventures to read (if you have kids in a French immersion program, they might want to compare the English stories with their French counterparts).
• If some family members ask you for suggestions on what they could give to your kids for Christmas, think Build-a-Bear Workshop! You could buy one of the cute outfits suitable for any of the animals they carry in the store and put it under the tree with an envelop inviting them to make their own animal with the family member (or a gift certificate). Many of the furry friends cost $15 and the outfits and accessories come in various prices.
• You can play an I-Spy-a-plane game in that mall! In addition to the crashed plane on the Safari pet centre, you’ll find two other yellow hydroplanes, one drawn on the gorgeous mural by Santa’s fish cabin and a real one hanging from the ceiling over the fish tank at Bass Pro.
In her personal yet practical 480-page guidebook, author Nathalie Prezeau describes hundreds of outings in and around the GTA she tested with her family and friends over the past twelve years. The 4th edition is out! It includes a new chapter on things to do with the kids around the 69 subway stations in Toronto, as well as exciting city walks to play the tourist in Toronto. Available in the Travel Section of GTA bookstores as well as Mastermind Educational Toys stores and currently at Costco. Visit www.torontofunplaces.com to learn more.
WRITTEN BY
Nathalie Prezeau, author of Toronto Fun Places
When Nature turns all grey, cold and wet on us, the weather calls for indoor activities. And there’s no better time to explore the gleaming Minerals gallery (less than a year old) and the superb Biodiversity gallery (which opened last May) on the Level 2 at the Royal Ontario Museum.
It had been over a year since my last visit at the ROM and, boy, was I in for a treat! As I climbed the majestic stairs by the large totem, I was greeted by a huge stone rhino at the entrance of the new Biodiversity gallery which has changed the whole look of Level 2. Gone were the sinuous dark corridors. Now, the open space is filled with glassed showcases featuring all kinds of animals, and big fish bathed in the light and floating from the ceiling, adding to the airy feeling of the place. Here and there, touch screens allow kids to choose from a selection of 30-second clips.
The Earth Rangers Studio set in the middle of this gallery is a wonderful multi-media room where we watched the short film Power of One with live commentary from a ranger, and the fun surprise of a real kestrel, a small bird of prey, flying over our head from a trap in the back of the room! (The 10-minute long activity is offered several time on Saturdays from 10:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m.) More free activities are offered in that room, with an insect theme on Sundays, a coral reef theme on Mondays and short projections on Friday nights.
The nearby Minerals gallery, by the gorgeous mosaic ceiling, is even more breathtaking. Hundreds of artifacts in glittering glassed windows are regrouped under compelling themes such as “Minerals from ancient lavas flow”, “The stories minerals tell”, “Exceptional crystals from special environments” and “Colour in mineral and gems”. There’s a whole section filled with meteorites, others on diamonds, fluorescent rocks, rock molecular structures and more. Two large screens feature great visuals on a loop and you can play I-Spy games with your kids, thanks to touch screens presenting the full display of each showcase, from which they can select the rock they want to know more about.
When visiting Level 2 with kids, I recommend starting your tour with the Dinosaurs galleries followed by the section with the mammoth skeleton in the Mammals gallery. From there, you can now access the Birds gallery (don’t forget to check what’s inside the drawers!) and the Discovery Gallery (with its big teepee, costume section, digging sandpit and more). This will lead you to a kids’ favourite at the ROM: the Bat Cave, and the Hands-On Biodiversity section (still featuring a live bee colony). You can then walk through the new Biodiversity gallery and finish with the Minerals gallery.
Last weekend when I visited the ROM, I was with a girlfriend, a mother of four (without her kids) who hadn’t been to the ROM for ages. I couldn’t wait for her to see the new architecture so I took her directly to the staircase in the Crystal section, aptly called Stair of Wonders (my favourite way to start the visit).
We climbed up to Level 4 to admire the staircase from every angle and to get to the Vanity Fair Portraits (a photograph exhibition presented until January 3rd featuring, among other artworks published in the magazine, many famous pictures from financially-challenged photographer Annie Leibovitz, complete with flat-screen projections of the making of these photographs).
We then went down to Lebel B2 to check the visiting exhibition Dead Sea Scrolls running until January 3rd (a very intesting collection involving lots of reading, that we would not have appreciated as much, had we been with our kids).
TIPS
• For more information, check their website at www.rom.on.ca.
• The museum is open 10 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. daily (it closes at 9:30 p.m. on Fridays). They offer Half-Price Friday Nights from 4:30 p.m. to 9:30 p.m. every Friday, which means the admission (not including the Dead Sea Scrolls) is then $11/adults, $9.50/seniors or students, and $7.50/4-14 years old instead of $22/adults, $19/seniors or students and $15/4-14 years old. It is free for kids 3 yars and under.
• They offer additional free family activities on the weekends.
In her personal yet practical 480-page guidebook, author Nathalie Prezeau describes hundreds of outings in and around the GTA she tested with her family and friends over the past twelve years. The 4th edition is out! It includes a new chapter on things to do with the kids around the 69 subway stations in Toronto, as well as exciting city walks to play the tourist in Toronto. Available in the Travel Section of GTA bookstores as well as Mastermind Educational Toys stores and currently at Costco. Visit www.torontofunplaces.com to learn more.
WRITTEN BY
Nathalie Prezeau, author of Toronto Fun Places
You don’t have fishing gear? They rent it out. The very idea of gutting a fish grosses you out? They do the dirty work for you. Afraid your pint-size fisherman (or woman) might return without a catch? Well, you can’t come home empty-handed with the thousands of trout that inhabit the ponds at Burd’s Family Fishing in Stouffville.
The tree-lined farm is a pretty sight with its two ponds adorned with lazy paddle wheels that gently stir the water. A small brick path runs alongside the bigger pond, allowing for strollers and wheelchairs to circulate.
You can also count on a rain shelter, washrooms, the sale of beverages and snacks and, oh bliss, a small outdoor playground with sandbox (usually complete with toys) for the younger siblings.
There’s a laid back feeling to the trout farm. But don’t be fooled, no stone was left unturned in order to cater to our needs. After weighing our catch, an employee killed, cut and cleaned our fish way too fast to trouble my (then) little Nosey Parker, who was observing the whole scene with big… fish eyes. It was handed back to me on ice in a plastic bag.
Later that night, we found out that the trout, being so fresh, were incredibly tasty.
True, they weren’t exactly a bargain (they’re sold at market price) but watching my little guy frantically winding his reel to bring in the fighting fish was worth a million.
The proud look on his face while we were eating his catch wasn’t bad either. And there’s the added bonus that from that experience, he learned first hand that fish don’t grow at Loblaws.
TIPS
• Burd’s Family Fishing is still open on weekends until mid-October, including Thanksgiving Monday, from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. Weather permitting, it will be open on the last two weekends of October (call to confirm at 905-640-2928).
• For directions, check their website at www.burdsfamilyfishing.com.
• There’s a $5 cost of admission per person (free for children 3 years and under) which includes bait, landing net, cleaning and packing of your catch (come on guys, it’s this or another farm sold to real estate developers!). You can rent a rod for $5 or bring your own. You pay the fish by the weight (around $2/100 g).
• No fishing license is required.
• One rod is enough for two young kids, one child fishing while the other holds the landing net.
• Don’t forget that you’ll have to pay for the fish (you can’t release your catch in the water) so don’t get carried away! During our last visit, we caught seven fish measuring between 18 and 25 cm and it cost us around $30. They accept cash or credit cards.
In her personal yet practical 480-page guidebook, author Nathalie Prezeau describes hundreds of outings in and around the GTA she tested with her family and friends over the past twelve years. The 4th edition is out! It includes a new chapter on things to do with the kids around the 69 subway stations in Toronto, as well as exciting city walks to play the tourist in Toronto. Available in the Travel Section of GTA bookstores as well as Mastermind Educational Toys stores and currently at Costco. Visit www.torontofunplaces.com to learn more.
WRITTEN BY
Nathalie Prezeau, author of Toronto Fun Places
Not as psyched about back to school time as the parent in Staples’ hilarious ad? It may be because you’re realizing summer swooshed by once again and you never got to take your kids to one of the big-ticket attractions they begged you to. Well, there’s still some fun to be had after Labour Day. It’s not over till it’s over!
Here’s a list of major attractions normally associated with the summer, which are open beyond Labour Day. You probably won’t save on the regular admission cost but you can expect fewer visitors and cooler weather, all contributing to a more pleasant outing.
Marineland We prefer to attend Marineland during the fall. There’s lots of walking involved to enjoy the spread of activities, animals and shows throughout the site. The park is virtually shadowless. On days when the sun is blaring, it’s enough to melt most kids’ enthousiasm. On the other hand, when the temperature gets below 20 degrees, young visitors will climb up to the Sky Screamer like young mountain goats. Note that all the regular activities are offered in the fall. Hours: Open from September 6 to October 11, from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. (doors close at 5 p.m. but attractions operate until nightfall). Admission: $40/10 years and over, $33/5-9 years old, FREE for kids 4 years and under (tax not included). Try to grab a promotional brochure of the area available in most attractions in Niagara. They normally include discount coupons.
Canada’s Wonderland Wonderland’s water park is now closed, which solves the usual dilemma of finding the time to do it all in one day. The other “dry” attractions remain open until the end of the season, weather permitting. Note that the regular admission does not include access to the Halloween Haunt event (held in October and recommended for kids 13 and over). Hours: Closed on September 12, then, open Saturdays and Sundays until end of October (from 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. in September, and from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. in October). Note that the park has different opening hours for its Halloween Haunt event. Admission: During the fall weekends, the admission is down to $29.95 (tax not included). This does not include admission to their Halloween Haunt.
Ontario Place If the weather gets really warm in September, note that the waterpark within Ontario Place will remain open until the end of their season. Hours: Still open on September 12-13 and 19-20 from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. (the waterpark opens at 11 a.m.). Admission: You’ll save up to $3.50 per person by ordering online, which means admission cost is $30/6-64 years old, $16/4-5 years old and 65 and over, FREE for kids 3 years and under, $104/family of four ages 6-64 (tax not included).
Centreville Amusement Park The strike cheated us of a whole month of fun at the Centreville Amusement Park but we can still enjoy it on the weekends until the end of September. Hours: Open on September 12-13 and 19-20, from 10:30 a.m. to 6 p.m., and on September 26-27, from 10:30 a.m. to 5 p.m. (weather permitting). Admission: $29.50/over 48 inches, $21/4 years and under, $90/family of four (tax not included). The ferry is $6.50/adult, $3/kids, FREE for 2 years and under.
In her personal yet practical 480-page guidebook, author Nathalie Prezeau describes hundreds of outings in and around the GTA she tested with her family and friends over the past twelve years. The 4th edition is out! It includes a new chapter on things to do with the kids around the 69 subway stations in Toronto, as well as exciting city walks to play the tourist in Toronto. Available in the Travel Section of GTA bookstores as well as Mastermind Educational Toys stores and currently at Costco. Visit www.torontofunplaces.com to learn more.
WRITTEN BY
Nathalie Prezeau, author of Toronto Fun Places
Wondering where to go with the children on this nice summer day? To the park? To the farm? To the pool? There’s no need to take a vote. Half an hour away from Toronto, Bronte Creek offers a great farm-pool combination, with a play barn as a bonus! Not to forget a campground.
Not only does Bronte Creek Provincial Park have the usual walks and nature centre, it also boasts farmyard animals, a Victorian-style farm where they work the soil in the traditional way, and a barn transformed into an original playground. To complete this unique mixture of activities, it offers one of the largest pools in America.
Young families would be better advised to travel by car between activity centres spread throughout the vast park, in order to spare everyone’s energy. Save the giant pool for later in the day, when its shallow water has been heated to a comfortable temperature by the sun (in the morning, it’s cold enough to turn any moms’ legs numb!).
I recommend beginning the visit with a walk in the morning, while kids are still “fresh”. Park at lot F to access the trails by Spruce Farm. The Half Moon Valley trail is an excellent starting point for the whole family. It offers a 2-km walk, and it is bordered by wild flowers and old trees of unusual shapes. In certain spots, the wide path runs alongside the cliff by the wide Bronte Creek.
On your way back from the trail, you can visit the two-storey Spruce Farm, built in 1899. During the summer, there usually are costumed actors moving about and showing visitors a glimpse of rural life in the early part of the last century. There will be more activities around the farm during their special Farm Day on August 22, from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. (with extra fees for wagon and pony rides).
Turtles, snakes and fish await you inside the small nature centre near parking lot C. Bees go in and out through a long pipe connected to the outside. Not far from there, various buildings house rabbits, hens, chicks, pigs and horses.
All that becomes less interesting once kids spot the great play barn with its hanging bridges, tunnels, large tires to climb on and its second storey platform from which children can jump into the big cushions without breaking their necks. (It even has a heated section for parents who are waiting while their kids go wild during the colder months!)
The Bronte Creek pool, located near parking lot D, holds 1.3 million gallons of water spread over a 1.8-acre area. To give you an idea, it took me 500 steps to go around it! It is fabulous for children: no more than two metres deep in the middle, more than half its area is like a gigantic wading pool where little swimmers can frolic without swallowing mouthfuls of water. Those who seek shade can plant their umbrellas on the grass around it. Several picnic tables and a snack bar are located right outside the pool grounds.
Between that and the play barn, you’ll have them singing Old MacDonald had a pool, Ee i ee i oh at the end of the day!
If you want to try camping with your family, the provincial park’s campground (with over 140 relatively secluded lots) is located a 5-minute ride away from the main park, on another piece of land.
TIPS
• Bring mosquito repellent if you intend to stroll on the trails. One day, when we had some on and were really enjoying ourselves on the trails, we saw a family fleeing from the woods in a panic. Not the best way to initiate to kids to the pleasure of Mother Nature!
• Admission is $15 per vehicle, plus $3/adults and $2/kids if you want to use the pool. The pool is open from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m., weather permitting. The park is open from 8 a.m. to dusk. The barn and farm are open from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m.
• For directions, check the Friends of Bronte Creek website.
• To book a camping spot, go to the Explore the Park option on the Friends of Bronte Creek website and select Campgrounds in the upper menu, it will lead you to Ontario Provincial Parks online reservation service. Click the “By Internet” link in their “Make a Reservation” section to access a very useful Availability Grid in their Tools section. It will allow you to find out about availability on specific dates for each of the three campgrounds in Bronte Creek Provincial Park (with info regarding site quality, privacy and shade for each lot available appearing at the bottom of the page when you click on the site’s number).
In her personal yet practical 480-page guidebook, author Nathalie Prezeau describes hundreds of outings in and around the GTA she tested with her family and friends over the past twelve years. The 4th edition is out! It includes a new chapter on things to do with the kids around the 69 subway stations in Toronto, as well as exciting city walks to play the tourist in Toronto. Available in the Travel Section of GTA bookstores as well as Mastermind Educational Toys stores and currently at Costco. Visit www.torontofunplaces.com to learn more.
WRITTEN BY
“Breakfast is the most informal of all family meals and because it is the first meal of the day it should be cheery as well as wholesome.” quotes Kathy from Glamour and the Hostess, 1955. “Breakfast is a meal you have to stuff down your kids’ throats before the bus comes and you can’t find that damn mitten or permission form.” quotes Kathy from her own Shut Up and Eat, 2010.
In her personal yet practical 480-page guidebook, author Nathalie Prezeau describes hundreds of outings in and around the GTA she tested with her family and friends over the past twelve years. The 4th edition is out! It includes a new chapter on things to do with the kids around the 69 subway stations in Toronto, as well as exciting city walks to play the tourist in Toronto. Available in the Travel Section of GTA bookstores as well as Mastermind Educational Toys stores and currently at Costco. Visit 
Their 
Most pages are followed by a Show & Tell section where you get to see pictures of craft ideas submitted by families just like us. Very often, parents also submit photos of one of the Family Fun crafts they tried for themselves. I should send them my daughter’s picture of the bubble bather costume suggestion we used during our school’s Crazy Bubbles end-of-the-year party.
The independent cart is really catchy, filled with lively little fellows in their shiny shells painted in every colours with funny patterns. Since these land crabs are born without a shell, they spend their life “trading up” to find a better home (sounds familiar?). You can get a cage including a crab and two shells for around $45.
which has changed the whole look of Level 2. Gone were the sinuous dark corridors. Now, the open space is filled with glassed showcases featuring all kinds of animals, and big fish bathed in the light and floating from the ceiling, adding to the airy feeling of the place. Here and there, touch screens allow kids to choose from a selection of 30-second clips.
The nearby Minerals gallery, by the gorgeous mosaic ceiling, is even more breathtaking. Hundreds of artifacts in glittering glassed windows are regrouped under compelling themes such as “Minerals from ancient lavas flow”, “The stories minerals tell”, “Exceptional crystals from special environments” and “Colour in mineral and gems”. There’s a whole section filled with meteorites, others on diamonds, fluorescent rocks, rock molecular structures and more. Two large screens feature great visuals on a loop and you can play I-Spy games with your kids, thanks to touch screens presenting the full display of each showcase, from which they can select the rock they want to know more about.
When visiting Level 2 with kids, I recommend starting your tour with the Dinosaurs galleries followed by the section with the mammoth skeleton in the Mammals gallery. From there, you can now access the Birds gallery (don’t forget to check what’s inside the drawers!) and the Discovery Gallery (with its big teepee, costume section, digging sandpit and more). This will lead you to a kids’ favourite at the ROM: the Bat Cave, and the Hands-On Biodiversity section (still featuring a live bee colony). You can then walk through the new Biodiversity gallery and finish with the Minerals gallery.
We prefer to attend Marineland during the fall. There’s lots of walking involved to enjoy the spread of activities, animals and shows throughout the site. The park is virtually shadowless. On days when the sun is blaring, it’s enough to melt most kids’ enthousiasm. On the other hand, when the temperature gets below 20 degrees, young visitors will climb up to the Sky Screamer like young mountain goats. Note that all the regular activities are offered in the fall.
Wonderland’s water park is now closed, which solves the usual dilemma of finding the time to do it all in one day. The other “dry” attractions remain open until the end of the season, weather permitting. Note that the regular admission does not include access to the Halloween Haunt event (held in October and recommended for kids 13 and over).
If the weather gets really warm in September, note that the waterpark within Ontario Place will remain open until the end of their season.
The strike cheated us of a whole month of fun at the Centreville Amusement Park but we can still enjoy it on the weekends until the end of September.
Young families would be better advised to travel by car between activity centres spread throughout the vast park, in order to spare everyone’s energy. Save the giant pool for later in the day, when its shallow water has been heated to a comfortable temperature by the sun (in the morning, it’s cold enough to turn any moms’ legs numb!).
summer, there usually are costumed actors moving about and showing visitors a glimpse of rural life in the early part of the last century. There will be more activities around the farm during their special Farm Day on August 22, from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. (with extra fees for wagon and pony rides).
The Bronte Creek pool, located near parking lot D, holds 1.3 million gallons of water spread over a 1.8-acre area. To give you an idea, it took me 500 steps to go around it! It is fabulous for children: no more than two metres deep in the middle, more than half its area is like a gigantic wading pool where little swimmers can frolic without swallowing mouthfuls of water. Those who seek shade can plant their umbrellas on the grass around it. Several picnic tables and a snack bar are located right outside the pool grounds.