Should Your Child Share Your Bed?
Parents co-sleep with their children for different reasons. These may include choosing to do it as a lifestyle choice or, rather, in response to their child’s sleeping problems. Many parents co-sleep, not necessarily by choice, but rather in response to their child’s sleep problems or in an attempt to solve sleep problems (also known as ‘reactive’ co-sleeping). Often these parents report that co-sleeping is not helpful, especially in the long-term. Research has shown that most children who share the same sleep space as their parents do not sleep through the night. This may be due to the child being disturbed by the presence of the parent including their noises and movements, and the fact that parents are more likely to respond to and reinforce wakings due to close proximity.
Room-sharing (rather than bed-sharing) is recommended for the first few months of life due to research showing an association with reduced risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). However there are a number of risks associated with co-sleeping which has led the Canadian Paediatric Society and our American counterpart - the American Academy of Pediatrics - to caution against it.
The concerns with co-sleeping are primarily because most often it is not done safely. The main concerns include children accidentally rolling off the bed, falling between the mattress and wall, or mattress and headboard, overheating due to soft materials on the bed (which is a risk factor for SIDS), accidental smothering due to soft materials on the parental bed (e.g., such as pillows, bedding), and less commonly, accidental smothering by a parent.
If deciding to co-sleep, safety should be the top priority. Depending on the age of your child, using a co-sleeper, which provides a separate sleep space for the child attached to the side of the parental bed, can help provide a safe environment for co-sleeping. For toddlers or preschoolers, it is often helpful to use guard rails on the parental bed to prevent falls. Consideration also needs to be given to ensure that everyone is getting enough sleep. As adults often do not go to bed between 7:00-8:00pm, co-sleeping may mean making compromises and putting yourself on your child’s schedule (rather than putting your child on your schedule).
From a behavioural perspective, co-sleeping can interfere with a child learning to fall asleep on his own. The importance of this skill is that often times children need to be able to do it at bedtime in order for them to be able to apply it during the night, when they naturally have brief arousals. Therefore, learning to fall asleep independently is an important step that is often necessary for children to achieve “sleeping through the night”. It is also a skill that all children need to learn at some point. The earlier that parents give their child the opportunity to learn the skill (but not before a full-term child is at least 3 months of age and healthy) the easier it is for them to learn.
The other, often necessary, steps for sleeping through the night are consistent and appropriate responding on the part of the parent(s). Many children will keep waking if their wakings are reinforced (e.g., they are fed, rocked, or brought to the parental bed).
It is not uncommon for parents of young children to allow their child to come into the parental bed following an early morning awakening (e.g., after 5:00am or whatever their cut-off may be). However, often times, what started out as an early morning awakening and a transition to the parental bed, has slowly crept earlier and earlier in the night. This is because the child has learned to associate waking with making this transition and can’t tell time! That is, instead of falling back to sleep following a partial arousal – which we all have 3-8 times a night – many of these children have learned that when they awake and call out, that they will be brought to the parental bed (and some may simply walk over themselves).
Also some children who start off the night, and spend a good portion of the night, in their own crib or bed, may not sleep well in the parental bed. This is because they are used to sleeping alone and may be disturbed by others. Some parents describe that their children seem to “outgrow” sleeping in this potentially stimulating environment. As the drive to sleep decreases over the course of the night, and light sleep is predominant in the last third of the night, it is not uncommon for children to have a more difficult time falling back asleep during the early morning hours, especially if the change of scenery is exciting!
When deciding when to stop co-sleeping or if you want to co-sleep in the first place, it is important to keep in mind that the earlier you transition your child to their crib or bed the easier the process will be for her (and you). If you decide that you would like your child to sleep in his own crib in the long-run it is recommended that you transition her by 3-6 months of age. As children get older, habits become more ingrained and therefore more difficult to change. And while a 2-month old may be unaware of the transition to her crib, an 8-month old would certainly be aware.
When I meet with parents who present with the goal of wanting to stop co-sleeping, I work with them to develop a sleep training program which involves setting a consistent and appropriate sleep schedule, and most importantly giving their child the opportunity to learn to fall asleep on her own at the start of the night and following night wakings (if she is not due to be fed).
Eliminating co-sleeping can be done gradually or all at once. Toddlers and pre-schoolers can sometimes benefit from the more gradual approach. This may include co-sleeping in the child’s room for the first few nights – ideally in a separate sleep space – to get them used to sleeping in their room for the entire night. Once they have this level of comfort, you can gradually move out of the room in a step-by-step fashion (e.g., sitting on a chair, sitting by the door) over 1-2 weeks. Research suggests that some children may start sleeping through the night once they start falling asleep independently. However, the same procedure can be done following night wakings, if necessary. Consistency is key for success!
Deciding whether to co-sleep or not is a personal decision and may depend on different factors for different families. For those who would like more information on safe sleep practices, see the Canadian Paediatric Society handout for parents (www.caringforkids.cps.ca – see Pregnancy & Babies - “Safe sleep for babies”).
Pleasant dreams!
Dr. Nicky Cohen is a Registered Psychologist in private practice in Toronto. She received her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from York University and developed an interest in parenting issues related to children’s sleep disturbances after having her first child 5 years ago. She is active in the community disseminating information on healthy sleep practices and increasing awareness of the importance of making sufficient sleep a family priority. Dr. Cohen has held various research and clinical positions at the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, the Hospital for Sick Children, and the University Health Network (Toronto General Hospital). More information about Dr. Cohen’s work can be found at: www.kidsleep.ca.
©Dr. Nicky Cohen 2009
