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Mother’s Day

Monday, May 6th, 2013

My latest book “I Am So The Boss Of You: An 8 Step Guide To Giving Your Family The Business” compares life in the corporate lane to life in the car pool lane, and provides tips on how moms can use corporate structure and rules to rule the household.

But while many concepts are transferrable between home and office, Mother’s Day is an event that is really only celebrated at home, not in the workplace. I don’t think it’s a mistake that it always lands on a Sunday, where it can’t take up precious billable hours between Monday and Friday.  But what if we could re-write the calendar and have Mother’s Day land on a workday? How would we be able to tell it’s Mother’s Day versus any other day in the office? I’ve been thinking about this. 

You know how moms always tell their kids “every day is Kid’s Day”? First of all, that’s crap, or at least it should be, or they truly are the boss of you and you need to rethink a few things. 

But it seems to me that Mother’s Day is pretty much every day in the work world, and not in a good way.  Hear me out.

At home moms are privileged to receive the time honoured traditional offering of burnt toast and cold coffee from our own junior employees, which ostensibly is a “treat” and intended so save mom the trouble of doing this herself. Of course the dichotomy is that more often than not, this causes mom more work in the cleaning of the kitchen’s aftermath, or maybe an extra half hour at the gym after breaking her ‘no carbs’ diet just to keep the smile on her proud child’s face.  

How might this manifest itself at work?  It happens all the time.  A badly written proposal can easily cause more work for the mom-manager as she works to get the employee to rewrite it in the way that will be acceptable. And how about a subordinate, who offers to attend a meeting on her behalf, but then makes inappropriate comments or, worse, commits the department to completing extra projects. 

I’m not suggesting we tell our kids to stop making us a bad breakfast, or that we don’t assign tasks to learning employees. In fact, it’s the reverse. We need to keep doing this so that they can learn from their mistakes and one day graduate to making an entire unburned meal or being 100% responsible for a professionally executed strategic plan.  In this, we are still mothering them every day, all day. So let’s take that second Sunday in May and celebrate Mother’s Day the way it should be celebrated; with other moms, while we assign our employees to eat the toast themselves.

Kathy Buckworth’s latest book “I Am So The Boss Of You: An 8 Step Guide To Giving Your Family “The Business” is available at bookstores everywhere. Visit www.kathybuckworth.com or follow Kathy on Twitter @KathyBuckworth.

(c) Kathy Buckworth 2013

Are They the Boss of You? Find Out!

Monday, March 4th, 2013

We all know we’re really supposed to be the boss of our children, but in this generation of “Helicopter Parents” and overscheduled and pampered children are you truly running the show?  Take this short quiz to find out who the boss in your house really is.

1. When your 12 year old child has a hockey tournament scheduled on exactly the same weekend as your six-years-in-the-making Girls Getaway do you:
a. Delete the email and disable the computer and phones so your son can’t  find out when/where the tournament will be
b. Convince a team-mate’s parents that your child will be a welcome addition to their road trip (neglecting to tell them about that pesky lice condition which just came up)
c. Tell him about the tournament and let him know he could go if only Granny weren’t so selfish with her dialysis appointments.
d. Cancel the weekend, take him to the tournament, cheer at every goal, stay in the world’s crappiest motel room in Upper Armpit Ontario and then tell everyone you had the best time. Maybe in another six years…

2. You have five minutes to get out of the house and drop your two year old daughter at the babysitter before your overdue hair appointment.  She’s just fallen asleep and is showing the first signs of a cold.  You decide to:
a. Slip a warm hat, sweater and boots on her before she wakes up and whisk her into the car, willing her not to cough until you’ve left the babysitters.
b. Trick a passing neighbour into coming into your house and watching TV for an hour while your daughter catches up on some well needed sleep.
c. Call the hairdresser and arrange for another appointment later that day – and throw in an extra couple of highlights just because.
d. Cancel the hair appointment, dump a box of store bought colour on your head and pray that the lighting will be dim at the gala dinner tomorrow night.

3. Your five year old is having a screaming fit in the store about the $50.00 piece of crap toy he desperately wants you to buy:
a. You say “No” and leave the store.
b. You say “Ask Daddy when you come here on the weekend”
c. You say “Yes”, put it in the cart and then take it out at the checkout when you distract him with a 25 cent lollipop
d. You say “Yes if you’ll just shut up.  But only this one time.”…“And don’t tell your Dad”

4. You’re at a “kids invited” dinner party and your children are the only ones not interested in the movie in another room that has the others quiet.  You:
a. Lead them back into the movie room and tell them that their alternative is sitting in a dark room upstairs that you’re pretty sure the Rottweiler never goes into.
b. Pour yourself another glass of wine, and tell your husband to deal with it.
c. Tell them if they’ll be quiet for just half an hour longer they can stay up for an extra hour and candy tomorrow night (you’re lying, FYI)
d. Explain to the other dinner guests that your precious children are not entertained by mindless spoon fed drivel and that they should be more than welcome at the dinner table with the adults as part of their developmental skills training.

5. Your Grade One daughter comes home with a flyer and a request for parental volunteers for a field trip – tomorrow – the same day you have arranged to catch up with an old girlfriend in the trendy restaurant du jour.  You:
a. Tell her you’re pretty sure the keener moms will have already filled those slots.
b. Call your husband and guilt him into doing “just this one trip that means so much”
c. Reluctantly promise in lieu, to attend the school’s spring play the following week (where none of your children are performing, but want to go to see their best friend speak 2 lines) which you had previously slated for a fake flu night.
d. Call the girlfriend, set another date 6 ½ months away at a suburban chain restaurant five minutes from your house, and call the teacher to help organize the snack drill for the trip.

How did you score? If you’re the boss, you already know.

Kathy’s new book, “I Am So The Boss Of You: An 8 Step Guide To Giving Your Family “The Business” will be on bookshelves everywhere March 26, 2013. Follow Kathy on Twitter @KathyBuckworth or visit www.kathybuckworth.com.

(c) Kathy Buckworth 2013

And Baby Makes Three

Monday, January 7th, 2013

The announcement that royal couple Catherine and William are expecting their first child has many speculating about how this baby and his or her famous parents will cope. It can be hard for a normal, common family to adjust to family life. There are a few differences that spring immediately to mind, when one is royal.

For Kate, like most new moms much of her hair will likely fall out during her first few post-partum months. However, unlike most new moms, she could potentially finance a small country with the money she would make selling it on eBay. Kate will have to decide what name goes best with the surname “Wales”.  Sadly, the baby name “Hashtag” has already been taken. Luckily, “AtSign”, “DoubleBackSlash” and “Meme” are still available, should they decide Victoria, Elizabeth, George and Edward are too stuffy and old school.   Kate will have additional parenting challenges due to the fact that paradoxically her child, by virtue of being third in line for the throne, will technically be the boss of her.

Potty training days will bring new meaning to the term “sitting on the throne.”  And while most babies are congratulated for speaking their first word, the first royal wave will also have to be celebrated.  Come birthday time, likely Wills Jr. asking for a pony will be a little redundant.  But planning the party will be easy for Kate’s side of the family, and Uncle Harry’s sure to be entertaining (and hopefully clothed).

For William, “Bring your child to work day”, which doesn’t typically happen until the child is 14, will need to begin pre-planning now due to the security detail involved.  And there’s really no point to Baby Wales taking Daddy in for Career Day, as no other kid in the class will be able to aspire to have the same “Next in line for the throne” job.

Instead of sitting in line for hours to sign their child up for swimming lessons, they will have to spend hours interviewing the Royal Swim Instructor.  Likewise the Royal Soccer Coach, Royal T-Ball Trainer and Royal Lice Remover.  Should their child get lice, they can force everyone around them to cut off their hair. This, history tells us, is a vast improvement over ordering a whole head to be cut off.

Good luck to you, Will and Kate.

Watch for Funny Mummy every month. Follow Kathy on Twitter @KathyBuckworth or visit www.kathybuckworth.com. Kathy’s newest book, “I Am So The Boss Of You: An 8 Step Guide To Giving Your Family The Business” will be released Random House in March, 2013.

This article was originally published in the Metro News.

(c) Kathy Buckworth 2013

No News is Good News

Wednesday, December 5th, 2012

“Hey be careful with that toe of yours”, I said to my 10 year old son as he attempted to cut his toenail with what appeared to be medieval pinking shears, “I grew it for you, after all”, I said.  He looked over at me and said “Really? All you did was eat.”, and then added “That’s not so hard.”

Restraining myself from launching into the indignities which the gestating body of a woman goes through to produce an ungrateful rat like him, instead I nodded and said “I guess you’re right.”  Why would I want to tell him anything else?  He was in Grade 5, and the lessons on the Birds and Bees were rapidly coming down the curriculum, headed straight for him. I decided to let him wallow in his lack of knowledge a tiny bit longer. Ignorance, my friends, can be bliss.  But is there any such thing anymore?

Every time a breaking news story erupts over social media or the more traditional 24 hour television news channels, by the time it hits the morning newspaper or breakfast shows, the next segment is inevitably “How do you talk to your kids about (fill in blank with breaking news story).” While I believe it is important to keep our kids somewhat up to date with current affairs, do they really need to know and digest every piece of bad information that hits the ever expanding radar?

When I was a kid you got news twice a day.  Once in the morning paper, and then at 10:00 at night on the national television station, delivered by a white male anchor in orange make up.  Oh, did I mention that the audience for this news was 0% children?  I wasn’t even allowed to stay up until 10:00 at night, let alone touch the morning newspaper unless it was a Saturday and I was sneaking the colour comics out of it.  The news was for grown-ups.  They worried about what was going on in the world…sort of so we didn’t have to.

Today, because our children are so connected in so many ways; the internet, Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, streaming television, texts from friends, we presume they are getting the news all the time, and consequently we should act as a counselor to them in how they should digest this news. But here’s the thing: what we think is BIG news, they really don’t.

When you’re a kid, what’s important to you is totally different than what’s important to an adult.  If kids wrote the news, their headlines would include things like:

·       Mom admits younger brother is her favourite. Has been for some time.
·       Spoiler alert: Meatloaf comes from meat. Which comes from cows.
·       Suspicious hand-writing on Christmas gift alludes to co-conspirators in Santagate
·       New study shows that no parent has ever offered a child a spoonful of sugar, no matter how nasty tasting the medicine going down was.
·       Halloween candy disintegrates after 30 days? Not so, in a shocking discovery. Film at 11.
 
I grew up in Winnipeg, and a local station used to announce, just prior to the news, “It’s ten o’clock. Do you know where your children are?”  I say, better yet, “Do your children always need to know what you know?”

Read Funny Mummy every month. Kathy Buckworth’s newest book, “I Am So The Boss Of You: an 8 Step Guide To Giving Your Family The “Business” will be released by McClelland Stewart (a Random House imprint) in March, 2013. It is available for pre-order now on Amazon.ca Follow Kathy on Twitter @KathyBuckworth, or visit www.kathybuckworth.com.

(c) Kathy Buckworth 2012

Funny Mummy

Sunday, October 7th, 2012


“You look good!”

“For someone who’s had four kids.”

“Especially since one of those kids is 21.”

Okay stop. In fact, stop two sentences ago. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that no mom ever wants to hear anything past “you look good”.  If in fact someone says this to you, you must move away immediately to avoid the unavoidable follow up sentences.  (I’ve discovered that slamming your hand over their mouth can result in a more unpleasant situation than simply being mildly offended.) 

I’m not saying that having kids doesn’t do something to our bodies (unless you are Gisele Bundchen), never mind your face (worry wrinkles, bags under our eyes), but it’s not as if you can’t enjoy some of this same abuse without the pleasure of having borne children. I know loads of women, and men, who have never gone through a 30+ pound pregnancy, who could still do with some serious gym and diet time. And let’s face it, kids aren’t the only things that give us stress in our lives, or deprive us of our sleep.

So, instead of saying “…for someone who has X number of kids”, and focusing on the obvious body and face changes, it would probably be more appropriate to focus on these particular things that happen only if you are a mom.

You look good! For someone who:

·        Has spent an unnatural amount of time waiting for things which have already been done, to be redone, in a far less efficient way. For example, toddler shoe putting-on, pre-school hair brushing, and seven-year-old face wiping.

·        Visibly flinches and scratches at the mere mention of the words lice, rash, and pinworm.

·        Enthusiastically volunteers to go to the grocery store, garbage dump, or to stand in line to pay a tax bill, as all involve leaving the house without minor accompaniment.

·        Feels no conflict at all in judging some moms for bad parenting decisions, while totally defending others doing similar things, if they’re friends.

·        Has sat through approximately 1,473 hours of school concerts, plays, karate testing, hockey practice, dance recitals, fencing demonstrations, assemblies, unnecessary graduations and countless episodes of Phineas and Ferb. Each hour in real time is the equivalent to five hours of “mom time”. There should be an award, but she would never willingly sit through a ceremony to get it.

·        Can’t advise you with any accuracy as to whether there isn’t a child inflicted stain or tear someone on their clothing, at any time.

In fact, the next time you’re the victim of the “You look good…” backhanded compliment, do what I do – up the number of children by at least two, raise your age by at least five years, and let them think you look more than just “good” for a woman who has that many kids, at such an old age. 

Read “Funny Mummy” every month. Follow Kathy on Twitter @KathyBuckworth, and visit www.kathybuckworth.com

© Kathy Buckworth 2012

Mother’s DAY? Try The Year of Mom

Tuesday, May 15th, 2012

There is so much emphasis on the second Sunday in May, it’s no wonder most of the time it ends up in disappointment and dissatisfaction. Sort of like cramming a year’s worth of love into Valentine’s Day.  But just like the opponents of Valentine’s Day claim that you should be making your feelings known year round instead of just on February 14th, I think we need to start thinking about Moms all year round too.  Just think kids: Every day can be Mother’s Day!

But putting that responsibility on the people we mother, or the people whose children we mother, is probably only going to lead to more disappointment and frustration. That’s why this year I plan to Re-Matriate* Mother’s Day and make it my own…and make it last for 365 days.

There’s an old joke about a man who complains that his wife doesn’t do anything all day. One day he comes home to find his normally clean house in complete disarray, the kids are unusually messy, unclothed and unfed, and there’s nothing on or in the oven cooking for dinner.  He says “What happened here today?” And she responds with “The nothing I do all day? I didn’t do it today.”

So I say every day of the year we find a little way to not do the things we normally do, and not just on Mother’s Day.  Things like:

• Stop picking up the dirty socks of anyone over the age of six, found mostly under the couch. Just stop. The owner of the socks will eventually run out and have to go looking for them. You can simply point them in the right direction, should their sense of smell not be fully developed. Or, send them to the store to buy some new ones. Not your problem.

• Refrain from being the person who puts out toilet paper for everyone else to use.  Don’t do it. Keep a stash in a bag you take into the bathroom with you every time you go, and see who/if/when the toilet roll gets refilled by anybody else. (Note: Sniff towels periodically – or maybe pay a toddler to do it for you)

• Stop buying beer for “the house” if you (and your friends) don’t drink beer. Does anyone else in the house take care of your tampon supply? It should be noted that this can be a risky manoeuver, however, as in desperate times (i.e. sports playoffs of any kind) , your chardonnay stash may begin to mysteriously deplete. Also, check the vanilla.

• If you are folding anyone else’s clothes, making anyone else’s bed or putting away anyone else’s towels…desist immediately. Don’t most of those people look like they rolled out of an unmade bed and threw on clothes they found on the ground anyway?  And those towels? Just remember the toilet paper tip.

We seem to see Mother’s Day as a time to “take off” from doing these domestic duties, when the fact of the matter is, we can reward ourselves by doing a little bit of nothing, every day. Join me, won’t you?

*No, the word rematriate doesn’t exist. But it should. Am I’m taking that on.

Read Funny Mummy every month.  Follow Kathy on Twitter @KathyBuckworth and visit www.kathybuckworth.com. Kathy’s 6th book “I Am So The Boss Of You” will be published by McClelland Books in Spring, 2013

(c) Kathy Buckworth 2012

Snips & Snails? Or Sugar & Spice?

Sunday, March 4th, 2012

Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails. That’s what Little Boys are made of. What sick freak thought that up? And really?  Little Girls are made up of  Sugar and Spice and EVERYTHING nice?  Really?  As a mother of both boys and girls, my personal experience tells me that it’s not always true – at least when it comes to how they interact with Mommy.  Most girls have their Spice to Sugar ratio wildly out of whack when they hit the tween and teen years.  And it’s the Little Boys who know how to turn the sugar on.

My nine year old son Nicholas is the master of diplomacy when it comes to my age, my weight, and even my jokes. Oh, I know he’s just kissing up, but I don’t really care.  When I compare him to my 13 year old daughter Bridget who has a knack for, well, being a girl and telling it like it is, I especially like a little pandering.  While this honesty will serve her well when she has to deal with a boyfriend herself, frankly I could live without some of her input.  Some of it is definitely NOT NICE. 

Bridget:                Mom!  Aren’t you breaking your diet?

Nicholas:              Oh come on Bridget! Mom’s so skinny!  She is!

Bridget:                Not if she keeps eating McChickens for lunch.

Or this:

Bridget:                You don’t have wrinkles everywhere Mom.

(Short pause while I silently ponder “who asked?”, and brace myself for the other shoe…)

Bridget:                Just on your face.

And there it is.  To the rescue?

Nicholas:              But she still looks younger than Dad, right Mom?

The fact that I’m a year older than him makes that remark particularly sweet.  The only way it could have been better is if Dad could have been standing right there to hear it. I’ll just publish it here instead.

Sadly, all Little Boys get bigger, and my eighteen year old son conveniently demonstrates that it’s the pre-teen behaviour you should be cherishing.  When these lovely little fellows dive into the hormonal teenage abyss they decide overnight that they certainly do not want to marry you like they did when they were five, and that you are also quite possibly the most annoying and clued-out person on the entire planet.  How do I know this?  As an experienced parent, I draw on my keen observational powers.  I’ve witnessed the eye rolling, the palpable condescension, and the subtle avoidance techniques he deploys when I enter a room he happens to be in (leaping over couches, darting around corners, cowering behind kitchen counters).  

All of this is still pretty calm compared to my oldest daughter, who, upon seeing me put on make-up before we leave the house can be heard muttering “It’s not like anyone is going to look at you anyway, Mom.”.  It’s then that I know the nursery rhyme definitely lists the ingredients of Sugar and Spice in the wrong order.

Perhaps I’m being too literal.  Besides, what is a Snip anyway?  And why are poor innocent Snails given such a bad rap?  I quite like them myself.  Had some in garlic butter last night as a matter of fact.  And yes, that was breaking my diet TOO, Bridget. 

Read Funny Mummy every month.  Visit www.kathybuckworth.com and follow Kathy on twitter @KathyBuckworth.

© Kathy Buckworth 2012

A Smart Auto-Motive

Monday, February 13th, 2012

I attended the 2012 North American International Auto Show in Detroit recently, and was pretty impressed with the range of eco-friendly cars that were being unveiled – from the tiny “smart” cars to the hybrids, the electric, and everything in between.  It is of course imperative that we do all we can to protect our environment, and all of the car companies seem to get this, and are investing dollars and research in improving the way they do business, and the way the cars run.

But as a Mom, I often find that the environment inside the car can be just as offensive and polluting as the environment outside the car.  If you have children, I know you agree with me. So, I am providing some helpful advice to the car manufacturers on some features they might like to start developing for 2013.

1)      Purse holder for Moms: We don’t want to put our purses down on top of the sticky, dirty floor mats, and if we hand the purse to the teen in the front seat, he’ll throw it in the back (making sure first that it’s unzipped), whacking an innocent younger sibling on the way back.  If we put it in the clean trunk space (let’s assume the trunk space is clean, play along, please) we can’t reach it for the inevitable stop at the coffee shop/fast food restaurant/nice officer with the ticket book in his hand.

2)      Sound Barrier: Just a simple sliding glass door between the driver’s row and the back seats would suffice.  On certain occasions (ultra long road trips), having one to separate the driver from the instruction-issuing passenger would also be welcome. You know who you are, Mister.

3)      Self-Cleaning: I’m imagining something like the self-cleaning public toilets they have in Europe. The entire car/van gets a shower and drains out of the bottom of the floorboards perhaps once a month. Self-heating/air blowers would help hasten the progress of drying the seats prior to the next infestation. Maybe blow out a lavender scent as well.

4)      Cones of Silence: These cones need to be installed over every seat.  The driver needs to tune out the kids fighting in the back; the kids sitting next to each other wouldn’t be able to hear the insults being hurled at them; and Dad wouldn’t hear that child in the back row who just spilled their blue raspberry slushy. Noise pollution is a real thing; and no more real than when you’re subjected to listening to the repeating and inane video game techno-music coming from the eight year old’s latest hand held device.

5)      Signal Blocking: Of course the driver should be unable to text or surf the Internet on their smartphones, but if I can’t do it, I don’t want my teens BBM’ing either.  It’s not fair.  Unless I’m the passenger and they’re the ones driving me around, then it’s totally fair.

Now these features would make for a really “smart” car.

Kathy Buckworth loves her Buick Enclave. Especially when it’s toxin (i.e. child) free. Follow Kathy on Twitter @KathyBuckworth. Kathy’s next book, “I Am So The Boss of You” will be released by McClelland & Stewart in Spring, 2013.

© Kathy Buckworth 2012

Twits the Season

Tuesday, January 10th, 2012


Let’s face it, if you’re a Mom with a newborn you may as well give in and embrace the world of Twitter, and chat online at 2am instead of watching those info-mercials. If you haven’t entered the world of Twitter yet, make 2012 the year to get online and in the know.  Worried about what to expect? I’ve prepared a handy round up of all the Tweets you’ve been missing this past year, as they relate to kids, house, home, and husband, so you’ll be caught up.  Ready? Here we go:

·         Moms don’t sleep, and the first thing they do when they’re not sleeping is to Tweet out the fact that they’re not sleeping. Which causes them to stay awake longer. Which they will also Tweet about the next morning. And occasionally throughout the day, as they’re also not napping.

·         None of us exercise enough, according to our outside voices on Twitter. And the ones that do work out, as a rule, we don’t like. They’re just bragging about it. It’s not motivating at all. (You might want to go back to watching late night TV ads for Thigh Masters if the “Fitter Twitter” Tweets get to be too much for you.)

·         If you want reinforcement to have that next glass of wine, eat that extra piece of chocolate, to blow off the lunch date with that Mom down the street you really don’t like, or to prove once and for all your husband can’t do anything right, you’ve come to the right place. Vent ladies, vent. For support and for that extra piece of chocolate. (Just don’t expect any virtual pats on the back when you try to work it off the next day.)

·         People really don’t Tweet about what they had for breakfast. Unless they take a picture of it first.  Don’t even get me started on dinner. Or snacks during Glee, Real Housewives, or The Biggest Loser.

And because the New Year always has us thinking about resolutions – things we will stop and start doing to have a better year – I’ll let you learn from my mistakes and share my own personal twi-resolutions on what to stop:

1         Tweeting out any remarks, photos, or comments that in any way suggest a nine year old boy is still “cute” or “adorable”. He’s a Jedi Warrior (awww how cute is that?).

2         Tweeting out any type of bodily function that any children have. It’s really not necessary. This type of things goes on ALL THE TIME. (The functions, not the Tweeting.  Ok, both.)

3         Tweeting out something that describes a situation that is unfortunate, but happens to all of us, and then ending it with “That.” For example “You know when it takes you 8 hours to make dinner and the kids eat it in 2? That.”  I know, right? Boring. That.

Run out of things to say? No worries. You can always Tweet about what you just bought on the Home Shopping Channel at 2am. A “Tweep” will then back you up on it, and convince you to grab a glass of wine while you’re doing it.   Because that’s the way we Tw-roll.

Kathy Buckworth is an award winning humour writer and television correspondent on parenting.  Read Funny Mummy every month, visit

www.kathybuckworth.com, and follow Kathy’s own Twi-venutres on Twitter at www.twitter.com/kathybuckworth

 

 

Smells Like Teens Dispirited

Wednesday, December 21st, 2011


I recently engaged in a debate online with other parents about whether they thought the Teen Years or the Toddler Years were harder to survive. Depending on the age of your children, opinions vary, although I think that parents of toddlers who nod and say “I hear teens are worse” don’t really believe anything could be difficult than the perilous parenting of a tippy and tantruming  toddler.  Of course both ages and stages have their challenges, but the general consensus seemed to be that the teens were a little harder to take; mostly because they weren’t necessarily so cute anymore, and there was this whole bad attitude thing going on.  The girls get snippy and the boys get surly; that’s what teenagers are made of.  But as a Mom who has lived through a few toddlers through to their inevitable teenage stage, I know that there can be some great things about having these older kids in the house.  So I decided to employ a public relations strategy aimed at the average teenager, and inspire those parents who are currently going through the toddler years, and who might be feeling a little dispirited to learn that it in fact doesn’t get any easier.

So, with some positive ink, here are the great qualities today’s teenagers have, supported by words from their own brace-laden mouths:

·         Budding Independence:

§          “I can manage my own life Mom.” Pause. “Can you make me a grilled cheese?”

·         Critical Thinkers:

§         Are you wearing that? Like outside the house? Just asking. Okay then.”

·         Clarity Seeking:

§         “Oh, are you still talking?”

·         Solution Focused:

§         “What is the point of being fat? I mean, just stop eating. There. Done.”

·         Philosophical:

§         “What is the point of a parade? You just stand there and people go by and then it’s over.”

·         Proud:

§         “That’s just your work stuff. I have real work to do. You know, for school. For my future.”

·         Curious:

§          “What do you do all day? It’s not that important, right?”

·         Logical:

§          “But you’d have to drive me to this party if I didn’t borrow the car. So I’m saving you time. What’s your time worth anyway? Can you give me some money?”

·         Comforting:

§         “Mom. Seriously. Don’t worry about your hair. No one is looking at you anyway.”

·         Mindful of Others, Especially Brothers:

§          “Someone has to tell him he’s an idiot.”

·         Efficient With Their Time:

§         “Anyway I stopped listening 10 minutes ago. What?”

·         Advisors:

§         “Old people go to bed at 10:00, Mom”

·         Helpful:

§         “Could you buy some good food?”

Like many facets of parenting, it’s always beneficial to look on the positive side of things. But try not to take it too far when they’re toddlers.  We’re on to you when say thing like:

·         The great thing about the baby waking up at 2:00am is that we have quality bonding time together.  (HE DOESN’T SLEEP!!!!)

·         He’s really impossible to feed. Guess he has discerning tastes. (HE WON’T EAT!!!!)

·         When he threw that toy at my head I know he would be a man who knew his own mind. (IF HE ATE AND SLEPT MORE HE WOULDN’T BE SO FUSSY!!!!)

Personally I embrace the more unpleasant qualities a teenager brings to the (dinner) table, versus his toddler counterpart. Not the least of which they made writing this article incredibly easy, as I stole all of their lines, literally, from them. Now who’s showing some attitude? And yes, I’m totally wearing this outside.

When not writing down everything her kids say, Kathy is hard at work on her next book, “I Am So The Boss Of You”, due out with McClelland & Stewart, Spring, 2013. Follow Kathy on twitter at www.twitter.com/kathybuckworth, and visit www.kathybuckworth.com  (c) Kathy Buckworth 2011