Final report cards are almost here, and with them comes an excellent opportunity to reflect upon and celebrate the growth and success your child has achieved at school this year. But what does success look like? Is it just about marks and favourable comments? Or are there other components, like having friends, high self-esteem, showing growth, or independence? While the answer to this can vary from family to family, this month I’d like to offer you some alternate factors (beyond marks) to consider as you reflect upon and define your child’s success this June.
Other faces of success …
In addition to looking at marks, parents at a workshop I recently ran in Ottawa shared these additional factors they use to define how successful the school year has been:
My child is …
• happy & enjoys school
• developing a love of learning
• motivated
• a good problem-solver
• organized
• well behaved
• good at making friends
• independent
• good at time management
Many of the above are usually addressed in the comments or the learning skills section of the report card. However, another method of evaluating your son or daughter’s current level of success is to use a variation of an exercise called “The Wheel of Life”. Here’s how it works …
The Wheel of Success …
Draw a large circle on a piece of paper. Then divide it into pie-shaped pieces, labeling each section to represent a different facet of “success” as you define it. (These may include some/all of those previously listed.) Add as many segments as you require.
Next rate your level of satisfaction with each segment from 1-10, with the center of the circle representing 0, and the outer rim 10. Draw a line across each segment at the appropriate level. (E.g. if something scored a 5/10, you would draw a line across the middle of the segment.) Finally join up and darken all of these new lines to create the new outer rim of your wheel.
How smooth and/or balanced is it? If most areas share close ratings (e.g. 7’s or 8’s), then you and your child likely experienced a relatively “smooth ride”. If, however, some areas are significantly lower (or higher) than others—forming an unbalanced wheel—then you may have noticed things have been a little “bumpy”. This is a great way to visually identify any areas you may need to work on or strengthen over the summer in preparation for next year.
So this month, in addition to celebrating what is on the report card (and not), be sure to take some time with your child and talk about your current school-related practices and determine what’s working really well, and what is not. After all, poor marks and results are really only “bad” if we ignore the opportunity they offer us to make changes.
As an award-winning educator and Parenting & Youth Coach, Rob Stringer BA, BEd, CPC has spent almost two decades helping kids, teens, and adults meet with success, and live lives they LOVE!. Although based outside of Toronto Ontario, Rob’s coaching practice is global, with clients across Canada, the United States, Australia, and Asia. In addition to Parenting with Intention, he most recently launched, Youth Coach Canada – a non-profit organization dedicated to making affordable professional life coaching services available to youth aged 11-21. To receive Rob’s free newsletters or for information on speaking engagements, programs, and upcoming workshops for parents and youth, visit www.YouthCoachCanada.com or call 905.515.9822.
There can be many reasons why capable students lose marks or do poorly on written assignments. Some don’t read the question carefully. Others forget to include important details. Still others simply have difficulty organizing their thoughts into a reader-friendly format. While there is no miracle cure for these situations, teaching your children to use a simple formula to answer questions can prove very effective—providing some comfort and structure until they become more confident writers.
While there are many methods children can learn, here is an easy 3-step model based on the book, Better Answers, by Ardith Davis Cole, and is a strategy currently being adopted and taught by many teachers in Ontario.
(1) Restate the question.
Many students do a poor job of written responses for the simple reason that they do not answer the question actually asked of them. They get lost or side-tracked when trying to formulate the answer. One way to help avoid this is by having students begin their answers by restating part of the question. For example, the answer to the question, “How do people often celebrate birthdays?”, might begin, “People celebrate birthdays in many ways,” or “People often celebrate birthdays by …”.
(TIP: This can also be used in general conversation … buying you a little more time to think and formulate an answer. You often hear experts doing this during interviews.)
(2) Start with a general (or “gist”) answer.
Before going into the specifics of your answer, give a general answer by tacking a little information onto the re-statement of the question. For example, “People often celebrate birthdays with food or special activities.” The key here is to keep things general and to entice the reader to keep reading.
(3) Add details to support the general answer.
Now students can add ideas, personal references (or examples from books they’ve read if comparing stories, etc.) to help support or broaden the answer. In our example, this would now be the place to add sentences like, “People in my family always have a party with birthday cake and the favourite foods of the birthday boy or girl.”
(TIP: Students are also encouraged to examine ways they can link their thoughts, avoiding sentences that begin with, “And then … “)
(4) Construct a conclusion.
Finally, once some good detail sentences have been added to the answer, it is time to add a concluding sentence or two to help to finish the piece of writing. This could include summary statements like, “Although people often celebrate birthdays in many ways, my favourite way is always with family and friends.”
(TIP: Re-stating or referring back to the opening or original question like I do in the final sentences of this article is often a good idea. To help students remember, teachers often use the image of a hamburger—with bun on the top and bottom.)
So remember, if your children struggle when trying to answer written questions, be sure to share and practice this strategy with them. It can help to produce better answers that look good AND sound smart.
About the author As an award-winning educator and Parenting & Youth Coach, Rob Stringer BA, BEd, CPC has spent almost two decades helping kids, teens, and adults meet with success, and live lives they LOVE!. Although based outside of Toronto Ontario, Rob’s coaching practice is global, with clients across Canada, the United States, Australia, and Asia. In addition to Parenting with Intention, he most recently launched, Youth Coach Canada – a non-profit organization dedicated to making affordable professional life coaching services available to youth aged 11-21. To receive Rob’s free newsletters or for information on speaking engagements, programs, and upcoming workshops for parents and youth, visit www.YouthCoachCanada.com or call 905.515.9822.
Do your kids take forever to do simple homework? Keep putting off studying for tests, or working on long-term projects? Is getting them to clean their rooms is a huge struggle? If this sounds familiar, you may have a procrastinator in your midst. Before you chalk this behaviour up to laziness, you may want to consider some of the rarely talked about reasons why people procrastinate … AND get easy strategies to help break the cycle.
Why Do We Do It?
There are many reasons why kids (and adults) procrastinate. These can include:
Feeling overwhelmed by the task. Some kids freeze when faced with a task that seems overwhelming or too complex. In this case, the secret is showing them how to “chunk it”—how to break a task down into smaller parts and then choose only one on which to focus. Recently I interviewed Rita Emmett, author of the book The Procrastinating Child, who offered this short poem to share with your kids:
When you have so much to do,
You think you can’t get through it;
Break it into little chunks,
Then pick one out and do it.
Being afraid of making mistakes. Your kids need to hear over and over that making mistakes is OK, and is a natural part of learning. Self-monitoring your reaction when mistakes occur is also key, as your disappointment can unknowingly seem to contradict this message.
Lacking good organizational or time management skills. Kids need to be explicitly taught all the tricks we likely take for granted. Be sure to show them how to make lists, post reminders, use an agenda, organize their papers, etc.
Feeling unmotivated. Doing things we don’t like is part of life, but knowing how to get through them is not always clear. Ways to help your child feel motivated could include helping them get started, looking for a way to turn the activity into a game or contest (e.g. seeing how much they can do in 15 minutes, beating personal bests, etc.)
Knowing someone else will do it. Sometimes it’s just seems easier to do a task ourselves, or to step in and rescue our child when jobs or assignments are taking forever. However, what message does that send? Some children quickly learn that if they wait long enough, someone else will do the job for them. When appropriate, facing the logical consequences for inaction teaches life lessons, AND can motivate future change.
Wanting control or attention. Although not as common, some kids may put off doing tasks simply as a way of getting you to react and/or give them attention—even if it is negative.
Breaking the Habit
Regardless of the reason, procrastination is ultimately just a habit. Given the negative effects prolonged procrastination can have on children’s self-esteem (e.g. “I’m no good”, “I can’t ever do things as well as everyone else”), it is important that we help our kids understand the reasons why they do it, and support them as they break the habit as soon as possible.
As an award-winning educator and Parenting & Youth Coach, Rob Stringer BA, BEd, CPC has spent almost two decades helping kids, teens, and adults meet with success, and live lives they LOVE!. Although based outside of Toronto Ontario, Rob’s coaching practice is global, with clients across Canada, the United States, Australia, and Asia. In addition to Parenting with Intention, he most recently launched, Youth Coach Canada – a non-profit organization dedicated to making affordable professional life coaching services available to youth aged 11-21. To receive Rob’s free newsletters or for information on speaking engagements, programs, and upcoming workshops for parents and youth, visit www.YouthCoachCanada.com or call 905.515.9822.
Each month countless opportunities for celebration occur in each of our children’s lives, yet as parents sometimes we do not recognize them for what they are—with January being no exception. Last month your child likely received his/her first term report card which may have contained average or even below average results. Did this represent an opportunity for celebration? You may be surprised …
Why should you celebrate?
Although often taken for granted, the act of celebration affords our children many important opportunities.
• Celebration provides time for reflection. It allows you and your child a chance to stop and look back at his/her accomplishments—the goals achieved, as well as the steps taken (or in progress) to get there.
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• Celebration provides the opportunity for others to participate. How wonderful it is to have family and friends share in the celebrations and acknowledge your child for his/her hard work or efforts—regardless of the final marks achieved.
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• Celebration provides the opportunity to acknowledge others. Just as rewarding as being recognized, is the opportunity for your child to give thanks back—acknowledging family and friends for their support and encouragement along the way.
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• Celebration allows everyone to relax and unwind in the midst of a busy life. It provides a chance for everyone to step outside their normal routines to do something pleasurable and unwind. It can also provide a positive sense of anticipation.
What do you celebrate?
It can be tempting to celebrate only the larger achievements or high marks. However, there are many other events which may also warrant celebration—be they large or small. Here are just a few for your consideration:
• When your child works at something new or difficult
• When he/she takes risks
• Making hard choices
• Letting go of habits that no longer serve him/her
• Completing a smaller step in the attainment of a larger goal, like working to close the gap between them and the provincial standards.
If you or a family member tries and fails, is there still reason to celebrate? Absolutely! Failure can be one of life’s greatest teachers, if you only help your child to be open and recognize the lessons it can provide. For example:
• Failure gives everyone a chance to look at what they are doing and change their actions—to try a new direction.
• Failure can teach people about perseverance, and give an opportunity to keep going.
• Failure can teach you there is no shame in failing—only in being so afraid of it that you do not get back up and try again.
For you see, it isn’t a matter of whether you will fail at things throughout your life, it’s more a question of how you will fail—and the attitude or perspective you will bring to the situation.
So let me ask again, should you celebrate below average report cards? While ultimately the choice is up to you, hopefully you see the importance celebration can play in both your child’s and family’s lives. It not only represents a chance to acknowledge the efforts/gains made, and to identify ongoing strategies for success, but can also replace threats and punishments as potential motivators with your children in the months and years to come.
As an award-winning educator and Parenting & Youth Coach, Rob Stringer BA, BEd, CPC has spent almost two decades helping kids, teens, and adults meet with success, and live lives they LOVE!. Although based outside of Toronto Ontario, Rob’s coaching practice is global, with clients across Canada, the United States, Australia, and Asia. In addition to Parenting with Intention, he most recently launched, Youth Coach Canada – a non-profit organization dedicated to making affordable professional life coaching services available to youth aged 11-21.
Interested in having Rob speak at your child’s school, church, or organization? For more information on speaking engagements, programs, and upcoming workshops for parents and youth, visit www.YouthCoachCanada.com or call 905.515.9822.
